MY JOURNEY

My name is David & I am an addict. My addiction has been with me from a very early age, even before I picked up my first drug, my behaviours were completely off the wall. Now I have been in recovery for several years I have discovered that it’s all about my behaviours and that my drug-taking was just a symptom of that.

Like many addicts, criminality became a way of life for me. I was not a particularly good criminal, as often as not I would get caught and banged up. This continued for countless years - my getting and using knew no bounds. As a consequence of this I ended up spending over 20 years of my precious life behind the door.

As I got older I began to look for ways out from my active addiction, my life had become a living-hell. In 1996 I found my way to HMP Downview where the RAPt pre-admission was. As soon as I got onto the programme proper I had a use-up. Before I knew what was happening I was thrown out of Downview and on my way to HMP Wandsworth.

RAPt had just started up in Wanno at the time and I managed to get myself on to the programme. I found it very hard; we had screws sitting in on groups listening to our assignments! I still had my reservations but kept these a secret, I thought I'd still be able to puff and drink; after all, they weren't proper drugs. I chose to ignore suggestions from the Aftercare team & returned to my home town on discharge.

As they say, "If you do what you've always done, you’re going to get what you always got". Several months later I was in that familiar situation of being banged-up for a good few years. Time to try again. This time I went to a "Therapeutic Community" upon my discharge. This was a tough rehab set in the heart of Oxford. Over a year later I became a proud graduate & began to rebuild my life. I learnt a lot about myself during the process, I liked the rehab’s philosophy because they suggested I could do "controlled drinking". I was OK with this for a while, but my addict was being re-kindled. Sure enough, in less than a year, I was back in full-blown active addiction.

A couple of spells back in HMP, a few more years of "hard-core" using, I was back on my knees. I was now over 40 years of age and at yet another rock-bottom. Having emerged from the fog of my methadone detox in HMP Lewes I found myself in such a desperate situation, I had to get some help.

I approached the CARATS team. I had no idea of what I was going to say, I just knew I needed help. A seed that had lain dormant for over 10 years had, at last, begun to germinate. I heard myself asking CARATS if I could get onto a RAPt programme. Call it divine intervention, call it anything you want: there was a RAPt manager interviewing prospective clients for HMP Coldingley on that very day. I'm not ashamed to say that I broke & cried during that interview, I had never felt so desperate before. I was accepted into RAPt and embraced the opportunity with all my heart. I am not going to pretend that it was easy. It was hard going and I could not have done it without the help of some of my immediate peers.

I graduated from RAPt in March 2007. It was the best thing that I have ever done. This time I was able to follow suggestions made to me by Aftercare. I came to Bournemouth and went through secondary treatment. My life today is so different to my old life. I have a lovely flat, great friends who care about me, and I them. My immediate family talk to me now and our relationship is growing. I take an active role within the 12 step fellowship which is the most important thing in my recovery. RAPt has helped me to change my life from being a hopeless addict to a productive member of society. Today I have a life.

If there's one thing that could encapsulate my whole experience it would be this phrase. "I alone can do it, but I can't do it alone".

Thank you RAPt!